I Believe In You!  Self Esteem and Believing In Yourself

Building High Self Esteem

SELF-ESTEEM

If you really aren’t sure how strong your belief in yourself is, then let’s test it. Low self-esteem is generally a good indicator of many of our character traits, including a strong belief in ourselves.

Ask yourself the following yes or no questions:

Am I too sensitive to criticism?

Am I extremely hard on myself?

Do I not own up to my responsibility?

Do I blame others?

Do I feel like I am a victim to other people and situations?

Do I excessively boast of my accomplishments, or conversely, make excuses for them?

Do I feel inferior or superior to others?

Do I completely avoid taking risks?

Is it hard for me to say no when I need to?

Do I often say what people want to hear versus how I really feel?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, guess what? You’re human! If you answered yes to many of these questions, it’s time to fix that low self-esteem. It’s time to create a solid belief in yourself. We all have varying degrees of low self-esteem at times. Consistent low self-esteem is a symptom from not believing in ourselves. Not believing in ourselves is usually based on consistently making poor choices and not taking responsibility for them. We can recognize it in ourselves because it comes out many times when we are around people that are doing a better job of taking consistent action in their lives than we are. For example, when you see someone who is incredibly fit, do you get crushed inside or do you say to yourself, “That’s going to be me soon! I can do it.” When you see someone with more wealth than you, do you say to yourself, “Look at that filthy-rich snob!” or do you say, “They must have really worked hard and created value for many people, like I am doing, to achieve such a great accomplishment!” How do you talk to yourself?

Another good measure of how much you believe in yourself is by how well you are treated by others. To believe in yourself is to have value in yourself. Others will treat you the way you treat yourself. If you value yourself, others will value you. Until you value yourself, no one else will. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will.

In order to develop a solid belief in yourself, you must first decide which side of the fence you would rather be on? Do you want to be a person with low self-esteem or high self-esteem? Do you want to be a person with high belief in yourself or low belief in yourself? I am spending time on self-esteem because without recognizing if it is low or not, we won’t have the desire to increase it. Without high self-esteem, there is no true belief in ourselves. Which column do you choose?

LOW SELF-ESTEEM VERSUS HIGH SELF-ESTEEM

Low Self Esteem

  • Sees childhood adversity as a lifelong sad story as to why they are the way they are
  • Quick to anger
  • Self-righteous and stubborn
  • Overbearing and overcompensating pride
  • Critical of self and others
  • Entitled
  • Constant stress
  • Demanding attitude
  • Chaotic relationships

High Self Esteem

  • Sees childhood adversity as a strength and gift
  • Doesn’t anger easily and sees first to understand
  • Open minded and respectful to others’ points of vie
  • Recognizes pride as a humble, harnessed power
  • Non-judgmental and recognizes own fallacies and short comings as improvements that are being worked on
  • Recognizes need to contribute and produce
  • Prepares for upcoming events to avoid stress in most cases
  • Serving attitude
  • Solid communicative relationships

HOW DO I BELIEVE IN MYSELF?

The fundamentals of believing in yourself come down to faith and integrity. We will get more into faith in the next chapter; however, start with this: God created you for greatness. He created you for a purpose. You were born to thrive. You were born because He made you to fulfill your destiny and achieve your dreams. You have people to serve with your talents. God believes in you and He is the creator of the entire universe! I would say that is a pretty good source to believe in you! If He believes in you, then how about you believe in you. Make sense?

We explored integrity in the character chapter. When it comes to integrity, if you are consistently not being congruent with what you say, think, or do, it’s not going to help you. When these are out of line, it is impossible to build the foundation of belief in yourself. You must be able to love yourself, accept yourself, and trust yourself to get what you want. Make sure what you think and say are in agreement! This one sentence can go in so many different directions. What is glaring you in the face right now? What do you think of right away when you ask yourself, “Is what I am thinking, saying, and doing in alignment?” If it is not, begin to work on that first. Be that person! Be the person who does what they say and who says what they think, and watch your belief in yourself soar!

Once we get this foundation set of faith and integrity, it’s up to us to continue the belief in ourselves with our own positive self-talk. Our minds are our greatest encourager. Examples of positive self-talk are, “I can do this; nothing is going to stop me; I believe in myself; I am strong and courageous.” Try saying these now. Feels good, doesn’t it?

Our minds talk to us all of the time, remember? We all have that little voice in our head. If you don’t think you have a voice in your head, it’s the voice that just said, “What voice? I don’t hear a voice.” Yes, folks, if you have a pulse, you have a voice in your head. So if you are going to talk to yourself, you might as well make it positive! Avoid negative talk completely! At times we say negative things to ourselves that we would never say to somebody else. That is the opposite of believing in ourselves.

If not having a belief in yourself is your source of low self-esteem then let’s revisit the ten self-esteem questions. Assuming you said yes to some of them, how can we change your answer?

Am I too sensitive to criticism?

I recognize criticism as either constructive or destructive, based on who is giving me the criticism. If I respect the person’s results in their lives, I take their criticism as a willing and coachable athlete would take a coach’s wisdom. If I recognize the criticism as judgment from someone I do not respect, then I dismiss it and realize they are really talking about themselves.

Am I extremely hard on myself?

I know that I am a work in progress. If I fail, I pick myself back up and learn from what happened. This makes me more prepared for success the next time. I recognize that being too hard on myself does not serve me and gets in my way of achieving what I want.

Do I not own up to my responsibility?

I am ultimately responsible for everything in my life. When I recognize that I have the ability to respond to everything that comes my way, I live in a state of control over everything I can possibly have control over.

Do I blame others?

I recognize that when I blame, I lose. When I don’t own up to what happened it keeps me stuck in the same cycle. I know that to win means to not blame.

Do I feel like I am a victim to other people and situations?

I know that I choose my path. I know that I can control my life, and for the things that I cannot control, I learn from. I control how people treat me by how I show up to the party.

Do I excessively boast of my accomplishments, or conversely, make excuses for them?

I know that a healthy sense of pride is crucial for forward motion. I also know that no one likes to be around a boaster or bragger, and my relationships are important to me. I know that a bad day for my ego is a good day for my soul.

Do I feel inferior or superior to others?

I know that we are all works in progress and if I forget that, life has a way of balancing me out. I know that every person and situation is my teacher. I know that when compared to others, I am better or worse at some things, just like they are.

Do I completely avoid taking risks?

I know that success involves calculated risk. I know that I can’t be brave if I am not scared. I know that to be great I must push beyond my comfort zone. I know that all of the fruit is out on the limb.

Is it hard for me to say no when I need to?

I know that life is much more fun when I say yes versus no; however, I also know that my yes or my no is based on how much control I have over the key areas of my life. If I am getting out of balance, I know when to say no in that area.

Do I often say what people want to hear versus how I really feel?

I know that my feelings count and I am true to expressing them. I know that my opinion counts and I can make a difference by what I have to say.